Tag: entrepreneur

30 years of marriage

In October I will have been married for 30 years and the shocking thing is, it is to the same person.  So what does thirty years of marriage look like?

Year one- He is the sexiest thing I have ever seen.  I can’t wait to see him and we have sex all the time.  There is also a lot of touching and giggling…..gross

year 30-  He has aged amazingly well, not the sexiest thing I have ever seen…we’ve been married for 30 years and I’ve seen a lot of hot guys in that time but I still feel like I married up.

Year one- nothing he does annoys me.  He calls me pet names, we have sex all the time and lots of giggling

Year 30- He does a lot of things that annoy me.  Should I make a list.  He hangs Walmart bags on everything, door knobs, cabinets, the back of chairs.  He make this horrible throat clearing snorting  noise, he is obsessed with all of his orifices.

Year five- We still have sex  a lot.  We have to be quiet so the kids don’t hear us.  There are little things that annoy me but nothing that is a deal breaker.  He hangs his pants on the back of chairs and makes this weird noise after he brushes his teeth.

Year 30- Lots of groaning but it is when we get out of bed in the morning or after we have worked in the yard.  No worries about people hearing us having sex…He makes horrible noises and is obsessed with his orifices ( I think I already mentioned that).

Year 30-  We tell each other “I love you” every day.  He tells me every morning before I leave  “you look pretty” and “have a good day”.  We say thank you for every day chores like making dinner, cleaning up the kitchen, or emptying the trash.

Sometimes when I look at him the 30 years flash through my brain.   I see  him in pain, sweeping the floor the day Jaymee died.   I see him dancing at the bar in Enid where we met.   I see his face the day Logan was born.   I think about him driving 30 minutes to change my tire.   I always see the love and adoration he has for me.   I hope when he looks in my eyes he sees the same.

 

 

 

It’s All about me

This is the title of the book that I wrote.   It is a memoir that covers the death of my daughter and the 2 1/2 years that followed.  During that time in my life it was all about me.  Grief can cause some pretty intense, self centered, all about me, way of thinking.  The title is fitting.

I remember needing to return to work and went back two weeks after she died.  I was a home visiting nurse and my job was very intimate.  My co-workers were concerned that it would be too much for me.  I gave them a list of people to contact and set some appointments.  I chose people whose lives were the most chaotic.  This would seem like the worst people to choose, but quite the contrary.  Their lives were so burdensome that they didn’t ask how I was or what was going on in my life.  I was able to get through that hour, focusing on them, not having to share or explain things.  I didn’t want their attention, I just wanted to do my job.  It was a pitiful existence for awhile but it worked.

Fast forward to now.  I see children that live in that burdensome world.  A world where there sole purpose is to survive.  They act out in school or are withdrawn.  Most often their parents live in that world too.  Not connecting with the child, much like they didn’t connect with me all of those years ago.  I try to be the buffer in that 30 minutes I spend with them.  Attempting to speak for the child and advocating in what little way I can.  It is hard not to blame the parents but I know they can’t hear me.   Trauma is rampant in our society and we don’t see it.  We do, but we don’t recognize it.  It could be the mom at Walmart that flips out on her kid, the child that is constantly disruptive or in trouble, the girl at the drive through window that just can’t seem to get your order right.

Am I perfect?  Do I remember these things while interacting with them?  Not always, but I do try to  be patient and to remember that for now It’s not all about me.