Who feels mediocre?

I am not mediocre I am content.  Maybe you feel what you have achieved is OK and that greatness only happens to exceptional people.

Maybe you have been told that you can’t do that unless you have a lot of money or a masters degree.

Do you watch E news and wish you had that life?

Do you scroll Instagram and envy all of those rich, successful people?

Are you angered because people don’t understand your struggle?

I am not going to blow smoke up your ass and tell you that you can achieve anything you want.  I do believe that occasionally that isn’t possible.

BUT I will say that what most of us REALLY want IS achievable and it is about our own personal story or the kool-aid that we drink.

I have often felt I wasn’t a good mom and that maybe I shouldn’t give other people advice.

I think that is wrong

I have often felt my writing was so so and nobody would every read it

I think that is wrong

I have often felt my mistakes in life would prevent me from being inspiring

Yep, I am pretty sure that isn’t true.

I was told that my success would come from education.

ummm not really.  I have a LOT of education, not sure I am any more successful

So guess what?

I wrote a book and it wasn’t published.  I tried and they turned me down.  It devastated me.

I will publish it myself

I wrote some vignettes and nobody has read them because, well, they wouldn’t publish my book so they must be crap.

Wrong.  I will publish those myself.

I am a good mom.  A mom that made mistakes that made me better.

I AM inspiring.  People tell me every day.

I can be successful because I am the one who determines what that is.

Change up your kool-aid.

Spike it with truth and confidence.

Stop listening to people who have already qualified you.

Stop being mediocre

I have heard this word come up several times in the last few weeks.  The definition I found on the internet is

“the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn”

I have heard it is the emotion that destroys marriages and PBS described it as the platform the republican party is using toward democrats.

I can not imagine anything worse than someone considering you worthless.  Worthless of existence, love, acceptance, understanding, empathy, patience.

I am saddened that we live in a world that condones contempt.

What happens to us that we have contempt for another human being?

What has hardened our hearts to the point that we find no value in another person, their thoughts or beliefs?

I really want to know.  I am not asking in a hypothetical sense.  I look at my little grandsons and wonder what would happen if they encountered someone who was contemptuous.  What does that do to a persons sense of self worth?

I am certain it would damage it deeply.  Does that then create contempt in them?

Are we at risk of living in a world where our self worth, self image and emotional well being are at risk?

I am going to be hopelessly optimistic.  I will cheer for you.  I will hug you if you need it.  I will praise your effort.  I will see the good in you and I will not allow you to create contempt in me.

I believe in people and I believe in you.

It appears this is the buzz phrase of the day or week.  Such an important concept but not one to be taken lightly, out of context, or miss used.

It is a hard one for me, as I work with victims of crime on a daily basis and although the perception of the general public is that this is how our judicial system works, it isn’t quite that simple.

All too frequently, what I see is that the burden lies on the victim to prove that it happened, not on the perpetrator to prove they are innocent.

“are you sure?”

“Maybe you misunderstood”

“you know she lies a lot”

“Well you were drinking.”

“kids come up with the darndest things”

“he is a good person and would never do that”

How do you prove within a reasonable doubt that something did occur when the only two people that know are the two people that were there?

Who should bare that burden?

What can we do to make the system work?

What harm is there in believing everyone’s version of what happened?

Can we not let research, facts, and statements, speak for themselves?

Can we agree to remain objective, neutral, and look for the truth?

What happens when innocent people go to jail, when guilty people get away with what they did.  When the system fails you simply based on your economic ability to obtain counsel or the color of your skin?

If only we could go with the saying “innocent until proven guilty”

Who knows, I might sleep better at night but I doubt it.

Being a parent is one of the hardest things we do.  Often we feel incompetent or guilty. The screaming toddler can provoke us into a person we don’t want to be.  It is difficult to remember that adults are supposed to be in control of their emotions, something that some people never master.

How can we expect children to learn this if we don’t model this behavior.   I often hear “why does he act like this?”  “We can’t let them get away with it or they will win.”

Is parenting really about who wins?  What is the cost?

Some things to consider…How old is the child?  What is the struggle?  How many rules do you have?  Does the punishment fit the crime?

I encourage distraction with small children.  There is no rationalizing with a child who barely understand cause and effect.  You can talk all you want but they can’t hear you. Don’t talk about what it is they are melting down about.  Simply acknowledge their feelings and try to get them to move on.

Some issues have to be addressed….Others don’t.  If they are at risk of hurting themselves or others we have to talk about it.  Teenagers are tough.  They are trying to become the person they want to be.  We often isolate them out of fear or as punishment.  This can be devastating and I encourage you to find ways for them to socialize that are safe.  Team activities or something that is well monitored are good options.  Remember a teenager’s job is to be difficult and disagree with you.  Learning how to debate in a healthy way is a wonderful skill.  Listen to what they are saying you might be surprised.   Counseling is always a good option.   They will not want to go, remember that’s their job.  Tell them “we are going to go three times, then we can talk about whether we want to continue.”  Most teenagers are not going to say “wow that really helped and I enjoy this therapeutic relationship!”  You’ll be lucky if you get, ” I guess she is OK.”

How many rules do you have at your house?  Rules for small children should focus on safety.  We don’t jump on the bed.  We eat at the table.  If you have more than 10 rules I encourage you to look at them.

When you get ready to discipline it is OK to think about it for awhile;  especially with older children.  Don’t make decisions when you are angry.  “I need to think on this.  I will let you know tomorrow.”  Include the other parent whenever possible.   We often make very harsh decisions when we are angry and we have a lot of trouble following through. Just wait…It’s OK.

How much quality time are you spending?  This can off set the worst behavior.  Do you sit at the table, with the TV off, and eat dinner as a family?  If you don’t, you should.  The research on this is amazing and has positive long term effects, simply by eating one meal a day as a family.

Do you truly talk to your children about what is going on?  “is anyone picking on you at school”  bullying is rampant and children will usually not tell unless you ask.  If you are seeing signs of depression ask.   “Are you feeling sad, how often, do you have thoughts about hurting yourself or hurting someone else?”  Have an agreement that you will ask and the child will tell you the truth.  It could be live saving

After the last meltdown at our house we were all exhausted, feeling small and incompetent.  We said “I am sorry”  and acknowledged feelings.  Even the big people did this.  Perfection is unattainable, be present, love, care, listen.  It’ll be OK.

I am sure that I am not the only one who is the go to person for, “is this bad?”  “does this smell rotten?”, “Yeah, I thought that smelled bad but I wanted you to smell it first.”

What??

We had a jar of jalapenos that the expiration date on it was 2015.  I don’t eat them so I never check.  “do these smell old?”

“they expired 3 year ago!!! Does it matter?”

“Smell this milk, does it smell bad?”

“you smell it!!!”

Does anyone NOT recognize that smell?   It is horrid, or what about rancid meat….Nobody knows what that smells like…sheesh.

The food police also do NOT put empty containers back in the refrigerator or leave a to-go box with one french fry in it.  Most food police also don’t use brutal force to push the garbage down into the can to keep from emptying it.

Food police that own pets are also the first person to smell the pile of steaming crap on the rug…I guess our noses are just superior.

I could be bitter about my exceptional gift but I have become accustom and embrace it. I realize others safety could be in my hands.

I decided I was going to blog about three weeks ago while I was working with a fellow entrepreneur.  I am extroverted, have written a book (that nobody has published) and was like “hell yeah let’s do it”.   Ever since then, writers block….nothing.  What do I say?  So I guess I will start by telling you about me.  Then you can decide if you want to keep reading.  I am 53, almost 54 years old.  I have been married for almost 30 years.  I have one son and two grandsons.  I had a daughter that was killed at the age of 19 in a car accident.  That was 15 years ago.  It shattered me and almost wiped me out.  I am not afraid to admit that I was suicidal for awhile.  Her death has made me  more empathetic.  I now understand where some people are coming from when they do things that may seem selfish, bizarre, heartless or rude.  Pain and trauma make us do things that others may misinterpret.  I am a nurse.  This week marks 20 years since I graduated from nursing school.  I have a masters degree in forensic science and a masters in nursing.  I am a family nurse practitioner and I see children who have been abused.  When my day is done, we don’t talk about it.  Nobody can listen and I am not to tell.  It can make for some difficult processing.   I own my own business.  I sell skin care and cosmetics.   It is the light to my dark.  It is frivolous and gratuitous.  It helps to even me out.  I have a very positive outlook.  I smile as often as possible, I laugh a lot and sometime it is at your expense.  I love to tease and we tease hard at my house.  I say it like it is.  If that hurts your feelings, sorry.   Amazingly enough though I say it like it is and it is generally well received.  Maybe I am blowing smoke up my own ass but I have a pretty good track record.  Most people still like me and come back for more.   So what am I going to do with this blog ….I don’t know.  Let’s just see where it takes me.   I love to give advice.   I tell great stories.  Maybe we can do this together.  Stay tuned and lets just watch it unfold…..Until then

Unapologetically Pretty