I know I write about it a lot. Unfortunately it is due to life experiences. Our culture has a difficult time with it. For some reason we are trained to “keep it together”, “be strong for others”, cry in solitude.
It is hard to grieve in a world that makes you feel like you shouldn’t. We are all on borrowed time. Death is part of our existence. We can disagree with what happens after, but we know the end will come.
We shelter our children from it. We avoid being uncomfortable. Does this avoidance just make it harder in the long run? Do we avoid conversations that could possibly provide some comfort?
We all do it differently. I think it is important to recognize that your way may be difficult for others. This is what makes family loss even more difficult. Some want to talk about it, others want to do so in private. Some want to reminisce others want to forget. What may be comforting for you may be triggering for someone else. You may want to create a space to hold your memories and others may want to remove painful reminders.
Guilt is part of grief. I should have spent more time. I should have been more available. I should have asked questions and made sure they were ok. We all have priorities and make choices every day. We never think those choices will burden us. Simple choices like working to put food on the table and choosing the daily grind. Those choices will always be there. Be kind to yourself. In that time, you made the right choice.
Does loss make us more empathic. Maybe. Does it make us more available, possibly. Do we want other to have loss to gain these things, I say no.
We are a community with different experiences. We have the ability to share those and create a better place. Someone is experiencing grief every day. We don’t know how that is affecting them. Be kind, be open, be nurturing. If you can’t today, try again tomorrow.
Allow yourself to cry. Cry in front of others if you feel safe to do so. We need to be a community that recognizes that others may be in pain. Showing sadness allows others to express empathy. Give hugs and receive them. The transfer of energy is healing in both directions.
Say “I love you.” You will only regret not saying it.
Unapologetically Pretty 