True Empathy;

Surely I am not the only person who lies awake at the wee hours of the morning thinking about the need to write.

Most of my inspiration comes from memes that are circulating on Facebook or the current topic of debate on social media. I feel like it is important for me to say that I am writing from a position of privilege. That I do not and will never understand the personal consequences of oppression, racism and injustice.

I also recognize that my experiences and education are what form my understanding of things. In the grand scheme of things, those experiences are minimal in comparison.

I like to use analogies or personal stories to try and form a common link to help people empathize.

When I was in fifth grade my three closest friends decided to start making fun of me. I was preparing for a piano contest and would often practice the piece on my “air” piano, running my fingers in sequence on my desk. They started mocking me and that lead to making fun of how I looked, that I was chubby etc. It was horrible and made me feel unworthy. We know that young children often internalize these early experiences and they form the person they will become. It seems hard to fathom that a grown woman with two masters degrees still feels inadequate at times and remembers that feeling of exclusion. It was and can be a physical feeling. A sick feeling in your gut and heart.

It was also common practice when I was in high school to use the words “gay” and “retard”. These words are offensive and I no longer use them. Part of being part of a collective community is change. Listening to others and accepting what is hurtful. Changing our vocabulary and always attempting to be inclusive.

We do not get to decide what is hurtful to others. I hear people say “this is ridiculous…where will it stop?” What if the answer was,

“it’s going to stop with you. We are going to continue to say and do things that are hurtful to you but allow everyone else to feel safe?”

Doesn’t that sound ridiculous. It has been in my lifetime that people with disabilities like cerebral palsy and down syndrome have been seen in TV shows. Before then they didn’t exist in the media world. What must young children have thought all those years when they didn’t see others like them.

I find it sad that we cannot empathize with others. That we are not willing to end behaviors that make others feel unsafe. When common items and literature cause people to feel mocked it is not ok.

I encourage you to think about your child or loved one. Research shows that the greatest change comes when we can associate it with someone we know or have a loving relationship with.

What if someone made fun of your child. Would you defend them? Would you want to institute change? There are no exceptions to what that situation is if you are truly expressing empathy.

Physical disability, color of their skin, the size of their nose, the shape of their eyes, their DNA, their gender, their sexual orientation, the way they express themselves through hair, clothing, piercings, tattoos. The list does not end and neither should our willingness to include.