Keeping it Real

This upcoming weekend is haunting me more than I thought it would.  Monday the 17th it will be 17 years that my sweet Jaymee Jo left this earth.   She left Friday morning, Valentines day and never returned.  She was killed Monday morning, February 17th, Presidents day, on her way home.   It is a kind of “Groundhog Day” occurence.    My brain is showing me images I haven’t “seen” in years.  It is how grief and trauma work.  They have their own agenda sometimes.  It could also be that I am more affected due to the emotional climate of the world.  The recent death of Kobe Bryant, which was painful to many for many reasons, the local trauma of the 6 children in Moore OK, and the political intensities and general unfriendliness.

I heard that they are considering releasing the body-cam footage from the Moore police officers that responded to the accident that involved 6 adolescents.  I find this disturbing and wonder if we as a society need to see this.  I know when I saw a drawing of the accident that killed Jaymee, even years later, it was like a punch in the gut.  I think family  of the victims should have the choice to see these images but do we, as the general public, need to be exposed to this.  I worry it causes desentisization and creates a culture with a lack of privacy.  Is it knowledge or information that will benefit us?  Will it create more trauma for friends and family?  Is there a potential that some will learn things from a cold and insensitive exposure to media coverage?  We are inundated with images and words that are negative and painful.  We know that negative energy is much more powerful than positive.  It takes less to do damage and the damage it creates can be horrific.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night and my mind was flooded with images and thoughts of the horrific days that occurred 17 years ago.  I hugged my dog and was eventually able to fall back asleep.  I took this picture to show both the metaphorical and actual self comfort.  I am holding myself, finding some comfort and solace in a world of ugliness and injustice.  I know this moment will pass.  I will hold you in my heart if you need me to and I will hold myself as well.

Author: unapologeticallypretty

I am a grandma, wife, nurse practitioner and a mediocre entrepreneur. I tell it like is. follow my blog for parenting tips, humor, and true life BS. If you are sensitive to foul language, body parts, or hard advice this may not be for you. If you can find the humor in the worst of things. Join me. View all posts by unapologeticallypretty