A fellow nurse practitioner shared this phrase with me. Her psych instructor in Nursing school told her that grief is like a slinky. It bounces up and down. I thought this was a great analogy.
I lost my daughter 15 years ago and most days my slinky is pretty tight. I think about Jaymee everyday but it is reminiscent, positive, and warm.
But there are times when my slinky goes down two flights of stairs and I don’t even realize it.
I have been feeling stressed lately. Seeing parents neglect their child’s emotional well-being and their lack of protective factors takes its toll. I had planned to use my vacation as a way to decompress but I continued to feel uneasy. I was doing a lot of reflecting and then the unthinkable happened. We learned that a friend of my son had taken his own life. We pushed it back and enjoyed our final days in Mexico.
The day after our return I was standing at the mirror putting my make-up on and had a complete melt down. Tears ran down my face and I could not stop. I partially attributed it to menopause. I was having a lot of hot flashes! But what the hell. I am usually pretty even-tempered.
The funeral was at the cemetery where Jaymee was buried. I had not been there in years. I felt guilty because we had not taken flowers out there. It was a difficult day.
I had five days at work and then left again to attend a conference in Las Vegas. It was during the flight out there, I realized my slinky had been stretched to capacity.
I had visited Vegas three months after Jaymee’s death. The combination of the impending trip, the death of a child, (he was an adult but my son’s age therefore a child) and the funeral at the cemetary where Jaymee was buried
was the trifecta.
I like to think I am intuitive and in touch with my personal feelings but I’ll be damned if that grief slinky didn’t whack me up side the head!! It bitch slapped me!!
I share this because I know it has happened to others. Grief does not have to be from death. We can grieve the loss of a relationship, status, mobility, or cognitive ability. Sometimes we have grief from physical pain, emotional pain or empathy for a loved one who is grieving.
Those days when you think “what the hell is wrong with me?” Pause and reflect. Maybe it is grief. Allow the tears to flow and allow your slinky to stretch. It will re-coil. If it doesn’t, reach out to someone. If you feel alone, I am here!!
Unapologetically Pretty 
Wonderful, Lisa. Thank you for sharing so deeply. And you are right, we all have grief over something. The loss of my brother has been pulling my slinky down and always seems to be just below the surface. It helps to know that this is normal and because we cared.
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